


Casually Cruel in the Name of being Honest

by NarryEm



Series: Don't Wanna Hurt Anymore (you used to shine so bright) [4]
Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-27
Updated: 2015-03-27
Packaged: 2018-03-19 20:37:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,335
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3623460
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NarryEm/pseuds/NarryEm
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It’s not every day that your ex texts you out of nowhere saying that he’s sorry. How’s Niall supposed to reply to that?</p><p> </p><p>*rewritten because I confused this with some other story that I’m working on. Thank you for the comments that pointed it out!*</p>
            </blockquote>





	Casually Cruel in the Name of being Honest

**Author's Note:**

> Title from “ _All Too Well_ ” by Taylor Swift
> 
> Short fourth installment to the Don’t Wanna Hurt Anymore series. I’m working on a proper final part, it’s just that I’m busy with final prep. This is set sometime in-between the third and the final story, I suppose.

 

_From: Unknown number  
hey, er I don’t even know if you still have this number but I just wanted to say that I’m sorry. So yeah, I’m sorry._

 

Niall blinks a couple times. His mobile just rang up out of nowhere and at first he had thought that it was Josh as he had been texting him all night in the efforts to procrastinate. He and Ashton were over at Josh’s place doing whatever it was that couples got around to these days. (Niall refused to let his mind wander off further than that.) Upon reading the text, he is proved to be so wrong.

His heart leaps to his throat. About an hour ago, when he was coming back from the grocery store in the little town street, he had thought that he saw a familiar mop of brown curls. He dismissed it, of course, as wishful thinking. It hurts that he can still remember it all too well, how he still cries over the what-could-have-been’s.

Intuitions are a powerful thing, but right now, Niall is hoping that he is wrong.

 

 _Who is this?_ he sends back.

 

His mobile remains silent for a few minutes, during which he distracts himself by reading the textbook and highlighting some sections that he thinks will show up on the quiz tomorrow. The last thing he needs is a massive emotional distraction since the quiz could make or break a letter grade.

 

 _It doesn’t matter who I am, Nialler. All I wanted to do was apologise,_ is the reply. After a minute or so. Okay, so this person knows his name so this can’t be a random prank or a mistaken number.

 _It matter so me since I don’t know the context behind this,_ Niall types back angrily. All the while, he is crossing his fingers that he’s wrong. He even missed two texts from Josh, so he has to send out a help.

 

_Josh, I think my ex just texted me out of the blue!_

Josh’s respond is almost immediate. _Fuck. Just ignore him. How’d this happen?_

Niall licks his bottom lip as another chime indicates a new text from the unknown number.

_Christ, Niall. Look, I saw you tonight and I thought I owed you an apology for what happened. So here we are. Happy?_

The backs of Niall’s eyes burn with tears and he has to blink rapidly and take a few calming breaths. _I saw him earlier and now he feels sorry. Crap. I’m so confused as to how I should feel right now._

 _Ash says that he’ll beat him up if he shows up at your door_ , is Josh’s reply. Niall almost cracks a smile at that.

To Harry, Niall texts, _I wish I could say that it’s all in the past. But I can’t since it’s a lie. You made me doubt myself and so many other things. You made me think that I wasn’t worth fighting for. You made me think that love’s an illusion, a trapdoor designed to fool people like me. Sometimes I even wished that I’d never met you because you left me broken. I don’t know_.

There’s an incoming call and Niall’s relieved to see that it’s Ashton.

“Ni?” Ashton asks, worry thick in his voice. “You doing alright?”

“I don’t know,” Niall sniffles. “He messed me up so bad, Ash. And now he’s saying that he’s sorry for what he’s done. I don’t know what to say or how to feel.”

“Fuck him,” Niall hears Josh huff from next to Ashton. There is a jostling sound before he says, his voice clearer this time, “Pull a JoJo and tell him that he’s too little too late. He can’t go ‘round pulling this shite on you. It’s been months and he chooses now to communicate how he feels? That’s fucking emotional abuse, innit? Block his number and be done with it, Ni. Delete his messages.”

Niall wipes at his eyes as he thinks about that birthday message that he’s still got on his voicemail. He laughs through his tears. “Yeah, ‘cause I’m so great at that.”

Ashton sighs over the phone. There’s a new text message and it’s Harry again. Niall ignores it for the moment. “Do you need us to come over? Contrary to popular belief, Josh and I do not have the burning need to fuck each other’s brains out every night.” There’s a disagreeing sound in the background and Niall smiles at that.

“Okay,” he mumbles.

“You know we love you, right?” Ashton says, and Niall can hear Josh throwing things into a backpack or summat.

“Of course I do.”

“You’re better off without a douche-pants who is emotionally constipated. I’m bringing all your favourite Jennifer Aniston movies and some Mario Cart games. Prepare to have you arse whipped, Horan.”

“You’re the best, have I told you that?” Niall asks.

“Only five times in the past month.” Niall can hear the smirk over his mobile. “Like I said, don’t even read the bastard’s texts. Just delete them, yeah?”

“Yes, father,” Niall mocks. Josh mutters something about the impulsive youths in the background and hangs up first.

Niall knows that he shouldn’t, but he opens up Niall’s text nonetheless.

_Wow, I feel worse about it now. I didn’t know it was that bad about you. I really am sorry, you know. Nialler, I just want to apologise, I didn’t mean to stir up old shit._

Niall wants to scream and punch the wall in. Well, that’s the thing, innit? No one starts a relationship with a full intention to hurt the other. Life happens. Love isn’t always eternal. And casualties such as Niall happen sometimes.

 _Don’t. I thought I was starting to move on. So don’t for my sake,_ he sends back.

 _Don’t you think we were too young?_ He thinks angrily. _You should’ve known that it would end this way. Am I the only one who thinks about it all the time? Or have you forgotten all those times when I said that I loved you?_

Tears are now streaming down his cheeks and he hates that he still feels this way. Why can’t he move on like he said? Why does he keep holding onto the shattered hopes and dreams that he thought he shared with Harry? He’s weak and pathetic, that’s why.

His chest hurts, almost as though it’s constricting. Breathings getting harder and fuck, Niall doesn’t need this. Not again. He doesn’t want to feel crippled anymore. He doesn’t want to be in love anymore.

Niall barely hears his flat door and Ashton coming in. He wraps him into a hug immediately, holding him without a word so that Niall can cry on his shoulder. The hug grows into a group hug as Josh adds his body warmth to Niall’s. He is grateful for the wonderful friends that he has, he really is.

But friendship isn’t quite enough to fill up the chunk that Harry ripped out when he left. Nothing ever can be.

 

 

-

 

 

Harry sighs, looking down at his mobile. He knows that he shouldn’t have acted on an impulse. But what are the chances that he passed by Niall at the grocery store? It’s not like he’s been avidly avoiding the blond man, not really. He just busied himself with school and . . .

He lets out a dry laugh. After years of lying to himself, it’s gotten to the point where he can believe the story that he keeps telling himself. Of course he’s been avoiding Niall actively. He doesn’t need the reminder that he broke a perfectly good heart, a heart so pure and innocent that he had no right to take or even have a glimpse of.

Anger rushes up and Harry screams into the empty air of his flat. He doesn’t even realise that he’s thrown his mobile across the room until he hears the solid _thud_ of it against the wall.

Sighing again, Harry stomps into his bedroom and waits for sleep to come find him.

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Guess who got a text from her ex out of the blue the night before a midterm? Ugh, I don’t understand men.
> 
> On a different note, I’m tired of seeing hate directed towards Zayn (or even Perrie) for leaving 1D. His happiness and health should come first and being in the band compromised that, well, then it’s up to him to quit or not. The Islamophobic ‘jokes’ really made me sick because he is a powerful figure who is Pakistani and Muslim (also someone of colour) and changed some of the negative views associated with those groups. I wish him the best and we all should support his decisions regardless of our feelings, even though they are important. Speaking of, why are our feelings not valid just because we’re fangirls? Like, sheesh.


End file.
